Posted by: Anna | July 9, 2010

Sometimes you just need a cupcake

I read a lot of mom blogs, 2 most importantly.  The women are fierce, candid and funny; but most importantly extremely candid. 

I may be one of the most honest people you may ever meet.  If I do not have anything positive to say, I keep silent (or you can tell by the look on my face what I’m thinking, horrible horrible poker face I have.  So horrible in fact, I might do Botox one day because I have this line by my right eyebrow since I always frown at EVERYTHING!)

My lack of writing is because I am hesitant how much I can share.

Look, I’m a happy person, positive and genuine.  I have developed this thick skin that allows me to cry as little as possible.  But when I do cry, oh man it pours and it’s because something major happened or because Andy (from Toy Story) went off to college, then you’ll catch me sobbing while watching a movie, not even joking there.

So something went sour in our life.  And I’m not sure I can discuss it.  Joey is currently battling his asthma since being stricken with the flu but is already improving.  Joey is oblivious to the heart ache I am experiencing and maybe one day will ask or wonder or know.  I’m not sure.

But being a single mom isn’t ideal right?  Neither is being told many obscene harsh things.

It breaks my heart to think of Joey missing out on what?  Well you know many things.  But he is not.  Joey is so loved, we are tremendously lucky and blessed to have my amazing parents around, an awesome grandma that he continuously asks for and a grandpa, who by far is his favorite person to be around.  Grandpa is excited to continue to teach Joey soccer, help him with the cars and go on trips.  I’m good at keeping the negative energy out, but last night when I did vent to my family, again they were nothing but supportive, just like the day I told them I was having a baby, and I was single.

I try not to lose faith in people, and having a tremendous support group of friends and family helps.  Yes, it sucks and it stings to have to go through massive amounts of disappointments in my life.  I don’t dabble in depression for more than a few hours because my son needs me more than anything.

So much so, I even had a CUPCAKE with him yesterday!  Joey has been sick and asked me to make him cupcakes.  How could I say no to my little man with his current smoker’s voice and all?  I couldn’t, so I made a batch right away, we let them cool, frosted them and devoured one each like it was the end of the world.

He was the happiest kid last night with mommy home all day while he was sick, and grandparent’s home for dinner.  So even though some people chose to walk out of our lives, it is them who lose out in the awesomeness that we are, the family that we are, and the love that we share. 

I would never fathom in a million years missing out on a second of my son’s life…not even if he decides to wash my blankets with his bath soap, sneak a bag of m&m’s and dirty my sheets for the 5th time, or decide to pour bottle of baby powder on the floor again.  Those things make for great memories and pictures, even if at the time I’m crying for having to vacuum for the 19th time.  Walking into a drugstore at three in the morning, in flip flops, pj’s and of course totally forgot to put on a bra, still totally worth it.

***I may stop writing for a bit, just to see where my mind stands.  But please keep visiting. I’ll come back soon!

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Responses

  1. Hang in there! Speaking from the other side of the spectrum (growing up the daughter as a single mom) there are definite pluses about it, better to not have around then to have negative.


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