Posted by: Anna | June 16, 2010

Codependent

Someone laughed as they called me co-dependent because I missed Joey this weekend.  He was with his daddy for three days, 1 ½ days longer than he usually goes away every week.  Usually, I work then; I do my photography, deep clean the house and maybe go to the movies.  I hate getting sitters for Joey when I’m home because I feel really guilty not spending time with him.

And my response to that co-dependent slur was, “What? Why, because I MISS my son, look you don’t even know what you are talking about.”  And it’s true, sorry, if you don’t have children; you have no fuckin’ idea what it’s like to be a mom.  And if you are married with a husband, you have no idea what it’s like to be a single mom.  And if you have always been a single mom, we have no idea what it’s like to be married.

We don’t know unless we live it, and we have friends and are suppose to have family to support us, emotionally, mentally, because isn’t the old saying, “it takes a village to raise a family”?  And YES, it does.  I mean, a parent is the number person in a child’s life, but the relatives, the friends; they also impact a child’s life.  One day Joey will grow up to be a friend, teenager, a man, a boyfriend, a husband and I hope that I raised a confident, self-sufficient man that makes great decisions.  Traits are learned, he already has an amazing personality, but I know that what I do, what I teach him, how we talk to him, what he sees, what he hears, what he eats, how much he sleeps, all of this impacts him.

And so, now, he is almost three.  THREE!!!!  In August Joey turns three and for some reason it’s a huge deal.  And for many reason, that same month I turn twenty-seven years old, TWENTY-SEVEN!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And pardon me, I feel like I’m getting old.  I feel as if life is passing me by and I have to take every minute with Joey because he is going to be three years old already!  He is almost in Kindergarten! And yes, I will be the mom that cries the minute she gets into her car after dropping him off at school.  No wait, I will cry my eyes out when he goes into Junior High, then High School, then maybe be a mess when he leaves to college.  Because Joey is my baby, he’s my only one now. (let me go on a tangent here, but Joey still strokes my armpit to fall asleep and soothe himself, and though very annoying, I still love it when I cradle him like a baby, even if his feet dangle to the ground).  And as the time passes, I also feel as though love passed, that I’m going to be twenty-seven and I should accept that I will be a single mom for the rest of my life?  That sounds harsh, huh? But yeah, maybe I won’t have more children and Joey is it.  I don’t dwell on it, and mostly because I’m not out looking for a suitor, or looking, period.  Is that weird?  I’m also not shielding myself by any means, but for the time being I’ll take life as it comes.  I’m not codependent.  I’m just a mommy that is fully involved and in love with her son.  I’ll focus on my son, my passions, dream and live.  Even though I fall hard sometimes, and cry, I still have “Aha!” moments, and the drive to keep going.

Twenty seven, maybe you won’t be too bad.

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Responses

  1. Ages scare me to death just like time itself. Can’t we stop aging at some point? 😦

  2. […] is turning three in two weeks and I am totally freaking out, I know I’ve talked about it here and here but still you get it […]


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