Posted by: Anna | April 22, 2010

Bear with me, here it comes.

It’s not fair to start a blog and not write.  But I don’t like to be a downer.  I really don’t like negative people and I try my best to never be negative.  Like seriously, misery loves company, but I also am very aware that it takes a whole lot more energy to be grumpy all the damn time than to be positive. 

I prefer the cheery side of me.  But I have moments, and lately a lot that really tear me apart.  Sometimes I feel so emotionally drained, and there are only few that I’ll admit it too.  And let me tell you, I’m not one to complain all the time, but it is awesome and super nice to have friends I can vent to, then when I’m done, I move on.  When it comes to motherhood I am extra hard on myself and I am learning that what people say, the people who do not wear my feet, hold my heart or wear my hands, still have no clue what it’s like to be me.  No clue.

Lately I feel broken, like someone decided it was okay to shred me apart then stab my wounds.  But enough, I pick myself up, wake up, put on some extra blush, dress my child, kiss him extra and move on.  That’s life, it has all of these complications that you never imagined, people will let you down, but I will not let them take me down. 

The good thing about this is that I am learning about myself.  I am learning more about Joey.  I can see though his eyes, the innocence, cursorily and sheer determination.  We will be on our way to travel to good ole’ California for my cousins wedding, and I am beyond excited to see the entire family.  We will also be in town to visit Joey’s cousins as we, with Joe’s sister and sister in law planned a trip to Disneyland!  I told Joey last night that we were going to Mickey Mouse’s house.  Big mistake.  I had to explain to him the time frame in which we were going, how Mickey also live in California so we would have to sleep two nights, visit family then go to Mickey Mouse’s house.  He seemed very content with my explanation but seriously, I just have to keep reminding him to behave so Mickey Mouse can be home for our visit.  It seems to be working! Is that bribing?  Call it what you want!

So in the thrust of my emotional rollercoaster, I have not eaten fried food, drank vodka before bed, or secretly binged on Taco Bell.  We’ve been on our toes, been doing the normal grind, but come on!  Now I’ll be visiting California, here comes the happy emotional eating for Joey and me!

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Responses

  1. I’m not above bribery…have a fabulous time!


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