Posted by: Anna | January 14, 2010

Kind of in that mood…

I have always taken my job as a parent very seriously.  In life you can never take yourself too seriously, but the responsibility of caring for a little human being is unfathomable, really.

The first day I brought Joey home, I was extremely exhausted. Luckily, as soon as I got home, my friend Michal came over.  I remember she was so excited to hold Joey and I gladly handed him over.  We chatted as I lay in bed and finally I was dead…asleep.  I couldn’t open my eyes.  I felt so bad, but she didn’t mind.  She cared for Joey as I slept.  I was so sad to see her go as I was losing my talking partner for the day, my companion, but I knew I had to suck it up, hey, it was always going to be like that.

I live with my mother.  And thank God I do.  I have spoken to many women and they all wish their own mom can stay with them always.  My mom helps me pick up the slack when I’m about to break down. I am lucky.

Joey cried the entire first night. It was nerve racking, exhausting, I was really hanging by a thread.  I remember four hours must have passed with me rocking him, cradling him, nursing him, and still no rest.  I felt so bad for everyone in the house because we were keeping them up and I didn’t want to wake them or be an inconvenience to anyone. That’s when my mother walks in my room and asked if I need help.  I said no, I was okay, when I started crying.  No, I started bawling.  The uncontrollable tears and lack of breath.  I couldn’t breathe. I was so disappointed with myself that I alone could not soothe my own son.  That is when she took him, said it was okay and happens to all of us. 

I guess I understand more.  As a mom I am hard on myself.  I try never to cry in front of Joey, I have to keep it together, he needs food on the table, and he needs to be clean, happy and comforted.  I know my job.  To love my son unconditionally, teach them bad from wrong.  Teach him that he is amazing and important.  Teach him manners.  And how could I not be so willing and in love with my son? After all, God gave me this amazing gift that literally took my breath away the moment we met.

With that said, this week has been oh so very challenging.  Joey is two and a very happy active two year old all wrapped with a bow of drama and hilarity.

This week Joey has been struggling with his asthma again. OH, January, why do you this to me!?  Every four hours I have to give Joey an asthma treatment.  That requires nights too if he is having a hard time.  So, we have been co sleeping, or I have been wide awake making sure he breathes while he sleeps and holding him asleep while I manage to do an asthma treatment. It’s exhausting.

Now I guess I’m writing this because I know it’s hard for all parents.  Moms and dads…

Now for a mommy like me who is a single mom ninety percent of the time, I have recently become aware that I will let the house remain dirty.  I will figure out how to balance what two parents do.  I will not go crazy and laugh harder and I will laugh more.  And in the end, nobody is perfect, right? Please tell me you haven’t run into Super Nanny and telling her about me. J

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