Posted by: Anna | July 29, 2009

Another labor story…

I am fascinated by the fact that looking back at my pregnancy I went through LOTS of shit. I went through lots of shit alone too. Which totally sucks if I stop to think how pathetic it maybe was, but I never give myself the opportunity too because I had my family right?

So when I was pregnant I was in love with my belly. My huge boobs gave it away before my belly finally popped out at about five months. I just couldn’t wait to wear maternity clothes. Or so I thought…

I’m actually am too petite, so shopping for maternity clothes sucked. Once I was put on bed rest I didn’t give a shit about what I wore. Why? Ha, let me remind you I live in hell Arizona. My due date was in late August. So I was pissed at the fact that I had to swell like a fat elephant and be kept in bed in the AC. Yes, I know, at least I was inside. But I was bored out of my mind! Bored and bitchy refusing to wear anything else than my swimsuit. Because walking around in my bra and underwear would not be right.

 And after gaining 27 pounds on my teeny body, you can’t even sleep or relax. My ass would go numb because I would sit on it all day, then if I was on my side, my leg would go numb. Because my body was in a state of shock at the human being that was in my belly and the weight I gained because I would stuff my face with everything and anything.

Well, after being on bedrest for about three weeks I had to be induced because I was ‘loosing’ ambiotic fluid. Where was it going? I have no idea, I would just sit there and eat banana splits and somehow it would evaporate out of my body. So inorder to induce..ha this is where they get good, they had to insert a balloon in my cervix and inflate with liquid so that I could start dilating.

Meaning…they had to squish and force a fucking balloon in my vagina and fill it up with whatever!!! Then they wanted me to walk with the damn heavy inflated balloon too only push a watermelon out about ten hours later.

How’s that for a visual? Keep those babies coming. Even though, ha, it gets better, I’ll just leave you with the imagination of all the shit that happened next.



  1. Girl, you are funneee! I was on bedrest too…it was AWFUL!!

  2. […] almost through myself to the floor from the paralyzing pain thinking this has got to be worse than child birth… doubt […]

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