Posted by: Anna | July 13, 2009

On my whereabouts…

Coming back from an amazing mini vacation from California I got sick. Icky high fever sick. Which turned into getting my poor little guy sick. We shared about three days in high fevers, sleeping in and drinking lots of liquids. Needing to stay away from calling my doctor friend and knowing that Joey had a viral infection just like mom, I alternated Tylenol, Motrin and his homeopathic medicine to deter the damn fever. He was so hot he was shaking. Cool baths helped but it totally was awful holding my little boy while he was burning up. I do enjoy our time together, but much rather him jumping off couches without a fever.

Thus I spent every sleeping and waking moment caring for Joey. As I too was hell a sick and sick of the idea of doing everything alone. Who cares that mommy is sick when my son is shaking of a high fever. How I wish I was married…only sometimes. Let me add to this… to a man who can care for us both. Does that exist? Okay, wait, an attractive man that genuinely cares for us both and doesn’t get on my nerves…that’s supposed to be funny. 🙂

In my time with my son I experienced an emotional melt down, exhaustion that I feel paralyzes me at times from being the patient mommy I’m supposed to be. I feel suffocated at times because I can’t even pee in the bathroom alone. I have to take Joey in with me in fear that he will be brave enough to jump off the stairs. He thinks he might just fly this time. And while I have neglected this website, my email, my eating and myself in general, today I’m feeling a little better. Finally.

I still find it difficult to be a sweet, patient mom. My mom is always sweet and patient. She rarely looses her temper, never yells. Her mothering paralyzes me with guilt sometimes that I’m not a good enough mom. My best friend says we are all different, but I swear I think I can be better.


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