Posted by: Anna | June 30, 2009

Pouring my heart out a little bit

Last night I had a lot to write about but no computer handy. Plus it was very late and I figured the things I wanted to write about were just too depressing. Do I have to write about everything? Even the ugly? I cried too. This is very rare for me. I consider myself a very tough women and a kick ass mommy.

 Last night was a moment of weakness I guess. I was smushing my head in my pillow so I wouldn’t wake Joey, I felt better. I guess sometimes you just need to let it out, clean, and let it go. In that last drop of tear I had a moment of clarity, or just reality.

 Life is hard for a lot of people. Do I want my life to be perfect? Hell Yes! I would love to be a mommy full time, have a loving husband. I would love the ‘normal’ family. But life isn’t perfect. And if it were perfect, it would be boring.

 I started to think about how I got to where I am today. Hey, I never thought I would be a single mom living at home at my age. About seven years ago I thought I would have a steady kick ass career (which I gave up gladly), a recent marriage and maybe the thought of kids.

 I am a planner, so when things go askew it takes me a second to get my grip on what’s going on. Lately, things have been going upside down. What kind of things? Life really. What saves me? Ha, that’s easy. My son. The love of my life. His contagious laugh. His soft little hands. His words. His asking for mommy. His crying at night. He saves me. That is my reality and the best damn thing that ever happened to me. He puts everything into perspective. Although I can have a moment of weakness, it’s just a moment. The other times I’m laughing and admiring the brilliance God gave me as a gift; my son who astonishes me. I see so much of myself in him. That’s amazing.

He makes me better.

He makes me better.

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Responses

  1. Joey is beautiful and looks just like you!

    I am so proud of who you are today…the Lord only gives us what he KNOWS we can handle.

    Planning out our life is good (because you know you and I are alike!) but what joy or excitement is really in a plan? NONE!

    Miss you and write everything! I feel like I talk to you everyday now!


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