Posted by: Anna | June 10, 2009

Balance

Since I am a single mom, most of the time I am left to do it all. ALL of it. And you know what; I get fucking tired of doing everything. Sometimes I even feel a little resentful. I would love to take turns with someone to get up with Joey. Every night this week so far I woke up about three times in the middle of the night, to have to wake up by 6:15am then wake my poor kid up to take him to day care. He is so grumpy on these miserable mornings just like mommy.

For the most part I am a happy person. A loving and happy person. But in the mornings and in the middle of the nights, hell no, I am such a grump. My son is the same. So we fight, per say. Since he cannot yet communicate that well, I ask about fifty questions hoping that his yes or no will ignite an answer that will leave us both asleep in our own beds.

Sometimes I give up. But I hate giving up. As well as I hate being overwhelmed, I hate admitting I need help. Because I live with my parents and my mom is so amazing, she can always tell when I am at the brink of a meltdown.

Last night she finally came upstairs and gently said, “Okay, I’ll take him, you sleep.” Smile.Wow, that was nice! Right? I guess so many of us moms try to do it all.

I mean do we have a freaking choice? Nope. I remember last month I was at the makeup counter at Nordstrom trying to buy some make up. I had also forgotten Joey’s stroller. So there I am asking questions while the ladies were trying on colors on my face.  Joey was sitting eating his snack. Then he throws it on the floor and runs off. There I go running and laughing. I think it’s funny. People looking at me chasing this adorable little boy who is also cracking up. Thank God the ladies at Laura Mercier were soooo nice. One of them grabbed him and started playing with him while the other woman helped me finish my purchase. Some women are truly magnificent. They asked me…”How do you do it.” I answered. “I’m not sure. I don’t take myself or anyone too seriously, and even though I am sleep deprived I enjoy his laugh. I guess that’s how I do it.”

And it’s true. Though I want to break down sometimes no one really knows. And it’s not because I hold it in or have any form of anger inside, I just let it go. I wake up the next day and find it amusing that Joey is as much morning person as I am with the lack of sleep. I pray, I breathe and I can write. At the end of the day, or at the beginning of the day it’s ok. Whatever my balance is I guess like many other mothers out there I still manage to wake up, shower, put my make up on, my four inch heels, dress Joey and walk out of the house. In a rush and late again, oh well.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. OMG, that totally made me tear up!!! Nicely written!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: