“Mom, you love me no matter what, huh? Even when you get mad or I don’t listen, I’m still your favorite person, right? Because you know I will listen, but sometimes I forget.”-Joey
Joey is growing into a pretty smart, passionate and affectionate kid. A boy who through some changes is becoming resilient. And resilience is a great thing, although I hate that some of my choices are making him more resilient.
But also, over time, I’m realizing just because I failed at something, or my relationship fell apart among other things in recent events, Joey will not see me stay in bed. Afterall, yes, we have been disappointed but he still knows that I, his mommy am his biggest cheerleader. And I’ve realized, more than ever now, Joey is my biggest cheerleader too and he has learned it from me.
I’m not the most patient person you will ever meet. Honestly, I clench my teeth to think of ways to speak softer and more patiently. But I don’t use hateful language ever, and I dare not put people down on purpose or carelessly. Words are extremely hurtful and scare. And like that, words are beautiful and amazing.
And through out all this pain, Joey tells me,
“Mom, you’re amazing”
“Mom, you are so beautiful”
“Mom, you are so nice” (I always laugh at that one)
“Mom, you are my favorite person in forever”
And I relish in his words, in his compliments. I eat them up and they are always followed by smiles, laughs, kisses or hugs.
Because once you’re a mom, your childs’ happiness and safety simply takes over. I hurt when Joey remembers and hurts, but at the end of the day it’s sweet and comforting that I am after all his favorite. Even though I know that he is mimicking my words of affirmation and my cheerleading him on, Joey has never heard someone really compliment me. And I’m probably not very good at receiving them, but only from Joey.
I know that I am teaching him, that people you love so dearly may hurt you and greatly disappoint you. That sometimes life will not go as planned and that through the pain, disappointment and hurt, we will come out stronger and wiser. We have no choice sometimes but to accept things let time heal and move on. I hope at least eventually he will realize that. Because after all he is also my favorite person in forever.